The Best Christmas Gift Ever!

The Best Christmas Gift Ever

    2001 was one of the worst years of my life for many reasons, but it ended on a good note, a wonderful gift and a few lessons learned. 

    The year started out with a very big health challenge.  I had gotten off work late and was rushing home to pick up my younger son to take him to a Monster Truck Show at the Alamo Dome in San Antonio.  I had promised to take him and even though I was late getting off of work, I still was trying to get him there and keep that promise.  I picked him up from the house and we headed downtown to the Dome.  The city had built this large football stadium to try and attract an NFL Football team, but so far, it hadn’t happened, and the Dome was just being used for events like this one.  They built this large arena close to the downtown area so that the crowd could do things downtown after the game or event.  One thing bad about the Dome was that it did not have near enough parking spaces for the size of the place.   When we got there, all of the parking lots around the area were full.  We drove around looking for a place to park and ended up parking in a neighborhood a number of blocks away.  My son was excited to go, so we jumped out of the car and started running toward the Dome.  After we had been running for a few minutes I felt a strong pain in my chest.  I was a true “Rocky” fan, so I ignored the pain and kept running.  Maybe you remember the Rocky character and his trainer telling him to ignore the pain during the workouts.  After a short period of time, the pain was very intense.  My son noticed and asked me if I was ok.  When the pain started going down my left arm, I stopped running.  I had remembered another movie that caused me to stop.  In the Superman movies with Christopher Reeves, there is a scene where he is at the farm with his family.  He is in the barn and his dad is walking toward the house, but then his dad stops, grabs his left arm, and says, “Oh no!” and then falls to the ground and dies of a heart attack.  This memory got my attention and I stop running.

    When I stopped running, the pain slowly stopped.  We walked the rest of the way to the Dome and found out that it had sold out.  That explains why all the parking lots were full.   We got tickets for the next day and then went home.  I casually mentioned what had happened to my wife and she went crazy of course and immediately called the doctor.  The next day I had found out that I had Coronary Heart Disease and had my first; of what would be many surgeries, to open a very clogged artery.  Having a major health issue like this was a big shock to my young attitude and was quite a way to start a year.   I did learn to appreciate my life a little more after this happened.  I appreciate the modern technology that is now keeping me alive, but we also need to realize that we need to live for God today because there is no guarantee of tomorrow.

    The next hard thing to happen to me was in the middle of 2001.  I lost my mom of seventy-six years.  My mother was a wonderful, caring, and loving mom, and losing her was awfully hard.  We all remember the exact moment that we were in the hospital with her.  She had gone to the hospital because she had a serious leg infection and was there because the treatment at the house was not working.  My three sisters and I were there when the doctor came to her and said that he needed to give her some strong anti-biotic to fight the infection.  He told her that because of her age, the anti-biotic would cure the infection, but would permanently damage her kidneys and she would need dialysis to survive.  She had decided that because it was so difficult for a doctor or nurse to “find” her veins, she was not willing to undergo dialysis in order to stay alive.  The doctor then told her that if she did not have the dialysis, then she would die within the next twenty-four hours.  She told him that she completely understood what he was saying but did not want to have dialysis done.  He quietly asked her “So, Mrs. Malden, are you here for us to cure this infection, or are you here for us to make you comfortable?”  She told him that she was there for them to make her comfortable.   It was later that night that I found out exactly why she was able to make that decision so calmly.

     We all knew at that moment that our mom would be gone in less than a day.  Can you imagine the seriousness of that moment?  We each decided that we would spend some individual time with her taking turns all through the night.  I had my time with her a few hours later.  My mom and I spent the time talking about her funeral.  I was pastoring a church at the time and she had asked me to perform her funeral.  We were talking about what songs she wanted to have sung and some things that she would like to have said.  One of the songs that she picked was “Because He lives”, by Bill and Gloria Gaither.  This is a beautiful song and tremendously wonderful for a funeral.  We had been talking for a few minutes and she closed her eyes.  I asked her if she was in pain and she said that she was ok.  I asked her if she was thinking or sleeping.  She said that she was thinking.  I asked her what she was thinking about.  She told me that she was thinking about the time when she was seven years old and living in Oklahoma.  She had gone forward in the Christian Church that she and her family were attending and had invited Jesus to come into her heart.  She said that she was so glad that she made that decision then, because of what she was facing now!  This is the best thing that she could have ever told me that evening!  This is the best thing that any person could say that was facing eternity within a few hours!  I certainly hope that anyone reading this story has made that decision for Christ and have similar confidence to face your “passing” moment.

    My mom died early the next morning.  I was on my way to visit with her again after teaching the Bible that day at Lackland AFB.  I was on my way to the hospital when my older sister called me to let me know.  It was extremely hard, as you would imagine for me to conduct the funeral, but I was glad to have been able to clearly share my mom’s Christian testimony.

    One more exceedingly difficult thing happened before this year was over.   I had been married for twenty-three years and it was less than a month after we had celebrated the occasion in Wimberley Texas doing one of the things that my wife really enjoyed.  We went there to go to some Antique shops and eat lunch and hang out.  It was less than a month after that that she decided to divorce me.  It was during this divorce process that I had one of the worst weeks of my life.  The divorce was final in early December of that year.  My now ex-wife decided that she would take my younger son to go out of town to visit my older son in Louisiana, so for the first time in over twenty-five years or more – I spent the Christmas alone.

   This is the part of the story where it starts to fit the title.  It is near Christmas time and like a lot of single people, it can be a very emotionally difficult time.  This was especially the case for me since the divorce happened so close to Christmas.   I was having such a hard time trying to get a handle on my life that I remember telling God in a prayer that based on His Words in the Bible “He would not put on me more than what I can handle.”  A short time after I prayed that prayer the Holy Spirit quietly spoke to me and said “Yes, Lee, I will not put on you more than what you can handle… but I did not expect you to try and handle this all alone.”

    I was very embarrassed by the divorce and had not opened up to anyone about my feelings.  I was trying to get a handle on my life on my own accord.  After the Lord spoke to me about this, I decided that I would find a way to open up about my life to other people.  Someone had told me about a “Divorce Recovery” ministry at various Churches that could be a big help to talk things out.  I found a group that was meeting at a Church called Community Bible Church in the north-central part of the city.  I started attending that group and it turned out to be a big blessing!  It was a great atmosphere to talk about our difficulties and to hear other people’s stories and struggles.  It is a great therapy to hear what other people have had to endure.  Even though mine was challenging, I heard a few examples of where other people had to endure some things that were a little harder.  I remember one brother saying that he came home one day and found his military uniforms set on fire in his front yard as an announcement of his spouse’s desire to divorce!   I was also invited to attend a Christmas party that was going to be attended by a lot of people that had gone through that ministry.  It was there that I received the best gift ever!

    I think that Jay was the host of that party and he mentioned a couple of things that they were going to do during the party.  One of the things that he wanted to do was from a book that he had read called “The Silver Box”.  They had made a small silver box with each person’s name on it and placed it on a table.  Next to the boxes were small pieces of paper and some pens and pencils.  They said that if you wanted to; sometime during the party, go by and write a short note about someone and place it in their box.  When we went home that evening, we would take the box with us.  I had a great time visiting with the people there and made some friends that ultimately became some life-long friends!  When I left the party, I picked up my box and walked to the car.

     I was driving home that evening and casually reached over and pulled one of the papers from the box.  It had a short note from someone who said, “I may have only known you for a short time, but I think that you are a wonderful man of God”.  Another said, “I have seen you interact with your son and I think that you are a great father”.   I was surprised by how many notes were in the box and was so blessed by what they had written that I had to pull over.  I was overwhelmed with a wonderful passionate feeling of love and acceptance.  This was exactly what my heart needed to hear after such a heart-breaking year.  I consider that small silver box, with a few handwritten notes inside to be the best Christmas gift that I have ever received!

    I have thought about that silver box idea many times and when I had an opportunity to teach a class to a group of Single Parents over the next couple of years – we had a yearly tradition around Christmas time to teach about and to have a “Silver Box Event”.

    I hope that you have people in your life that can affirm and bless you like those people did that day.  I know that the Lord can provide a lot of strength, but I also believe that God has created us to be social people and sometimes it is good to allow those people to help us manage whatever we are going through.  May God speak to you in that still small voice and give you hope to make it through the difficult years in your life.

Written by Lee Malden – lmalden@hotmail.com   2014

 

These are my thoughts today, what do you think?  Please leave me a response or email me and I would be happy to hear your thoughts and feedback.